Robert F. Funke

Yes, this is actually the seventh track on the album. Sincere apologies for messing up the order (to no one! this blog is basically Home Alone, pre-booby traps, post parents-gone ((aka terrible))).

HAVE A LISTEN.

So. Wow.

Robert’s thoughts:

Well. The name of the song is “Christmas Letter.” But while the filtered drum track gets things a’rollin, Ginuwine tells us that “this [is] my Christmas letter,” which, okay, yeah, that’s what we assumed, “for you,” okay, that’s also implied, you’re singing your letter to someone, “can I read it?” yes, Gin, you can read it, that’s what the song’s going to be, “to you?” seriously Gin just sing. LAZZZZZERS!

Then Ginuwine starts celebrating his shorty. It’s great.

I’m just sitting here writing…

No good song has ever not started with those words.

Santa!

Rap verse!

I was such a Scrooge / that she flew away / I lost my number one / they took my heart away.

This kind of reminds me of Big Yellow Taxi.

Then the song kind of ends on a delayed/echoed “Santa bring my Shawty back.”

I’m really confused as to whether the letter is to Shawty or Santa. Because Ginuwine is REALLY sexually whispering in my ear that he wants to read me his Christmas letter (which puts me, the audience, in Shawty’s shoes), but then the song is kind of written to Santa. I think Ginuwine is trying to tempt Stanta into desiring Gin’s milk and cookies to the point that he can’t help but give him what he wants (Shawty). Or, in a Shyalaman twist, Shawty = Santa.

K l8r ‘Wine.

JP’s thoughts:

“AWWWW SH*T!  THROW SOME LASERS ON THIS B!TCH !!!”

I like to imagine Ginuwine saying this in the recording session for this song.

The laser sound effect is tragically underused in current music, but I wish I would’ve stopped listening as soon as they were done. This is another in the long list of songs about Ginuwine being dumped at Christmas.  I did a little digging and found out that Ginuwine has been HAPPILY MARRIED since ’03! You are a fraud, Gin’. Turns outs his wife is a rapper by the name of “Sole”. The only thing that comes up when you search for Sole on Spotify, is a song call “Year of the $exxx Symbol”. Turns out it’s not her.